The Smile – and Other – Shutters

Okay, so Sony has a new camera that recognizes smiles. Now I could make some comment about how if the person behind the camera can’t recognize a smile they must be in art school or be a 20-year newspaper veteran, but that just seems cruel.

So, instead, I give you the other shutter releases I would like to see on cameras …

  • Tree Branch/Telephone Pole Shutter – Waits for it to fall down or blow over in a hurricane before releasing the shutter.
  • Zebra Crossing Shutter – Waits for referees to move out of the frame before firing.
  • Paparazzi Shutter – Only fires when (in)famous people do stupid things in semi-public places.
  • Golden Hour Shutter – Will only activate when the color temperature is below 4300 degrees Kelvin (which is sunrise or sunset).
  • James Nachtwey Shutter – Waits for you to have at least three layers of information of a relevant issue to a world-wide audience.
  • Double-Truck Shutter – Will only fire when your composition allows for a gutter through the center of the frame.
  • Stan Grossfeld Burn Shutter – Will only fire when the sky is overcast to allow you to burn it down to black later.
  • Annie Liebovitz Shutter – Fired only after you have sweet-talked some celebrity into doing something totally out of character.
  • The HCB/Decisive Moment Shutter – In honor of Henri Cartier-Bresson, only fires when it recognizes “both the fact itself and the rigorous organization of visually perceived forms that give it meaning.”

Feel free to add your own, I’m sure you have some in mind already

Mark E. Johnson

1 Response

  1. The Poverty Shutter – only fires when someone who earns less than $10,000 a year is in the frame. Also automatically sets the color mode to black and white. Not so great, as I end up getting a lot of photos of myself if I walk by any reflective surfaces.

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